My oldest brother, Jim, after months of waiting... is now in surgery.
A double lung transplant. Right now.
I'm supposed to do another long day at work tomorrow but how can I just toddle off to bed whilst Mom is in her room crying as though her heart will break? Jim was born when she was just 15; they've been through it all together, hell, they grew up together. I want to scream, to cry, to make everything better but I can't.
I can be here and I can get her up there, to Indiana. Probably on Friday, if all goes well.
Man am I tired. What the hell happened to starting out part time??? I'm already into overtime and working the bakery on my own and it's still two days from my two week mark! Work is good, getting paid for work is even better, but I'm seriously not sure I can keep up this pace; there were a number of excellent reasons for me wanting to work part time, at least for a while.
Ah well, today was good. Had the day off and took Mom out to eat at Olive Garden (her choice) for her birthday/3 years cancer-free celebration. Think she enjoyed her meal?
Picked her up some new puzzles, since she's rather fond of jigsaws.
A bird wall-hanging and a showy plant. (Kalanchoe)
My sincere apologies for not getting around to everyone's blogs; by the time I get home I'm too whipped to do more than eat, shower, and fall in bed. Frankly, if Mom weren't cooking I'd be too tired for the eating part. I am thinking of everyone.
After a long first week at work and managing to pinch a nerve so a large section of my right thigh was numb, (but still functional, thank heavens!) I had staggered out to the front porch and was chatting on the phone... These two were keeping a close eye on me, even though they were indulging in, erm, recreational activities:
Suddenly, the leg that was numb started burning like an overcooked lamb roast in a much too hot oven. Flying off, like a self-satisfied dive bomber, was this guy; an American hornet:
No, it's not my own photo; I was rather busy not screaming as bursting the eardrum of the person with whom I was speaking seemed a trifle, well, rude. It also happens that I'm quite allergic to stings, so I spent my night off hopped up on Benadryl and with my formerly numb leg feeling like it was on fire.
Now, I kid you not, after I finally fell asleep early this morning, a sheriff's deputy knocked on the door and wanted to speak to my mother and I about a break-in which had occurred in a nearby home a few days ago. Really? It had to be now?? Still, after the deputy left, Mom looked at me and said " You cover it up pretty well, but you're really a tough old broad".
Made me feel rather good, that.
It's been a rather rough week; so much for part time, but I'm ready to do it all over again... starting Wednesday I'll be cross-trained in another department and if nothing changes they're planning on having me train in a couple more departments over the next few weeks. Now if I can just remember everything... It's quite nice, though, this feeling of getting back to the woman I remember; someone who could get things done, someone who wasn't sick all the time.
And an odd day it's been; bittersweet, even cranky. I'm finally getting down to work tomorrow (almost today) and none too soon; I'll be sore for a while but that was partly sorted by a change of medication at the doctor today - the rest will have to sort itself the old-fashioned way; by going through it since there's no way around.
It's also my birthday today, Happy 55th!
Mom made me a birthday brownie, took me out for Chinese... which came with it's own surprise...
tomato bunnies! She also bought me classic red roses.
The kidling and I spoke on the phone, but she is still a thousand miles away. That seems very far today.
Have also been pondering other thisses and thatses; like the fact that both my father and Two Bear were very much into things like numerology and how they would be lecturing me about the transition from a nine year to a one year as I move from being 54 to 55. For once in my life, oddly enough, they'd be quite gratified by how my life is closing one chapter and beginning another just like the numbers predict.
Tomorrow - today now - is a huge step; proving to myself and others that I can get a job (and I'll damn well keep it too). If my pride causes me to over-reach, what of it? At least I'll have regained some self-respect and it's nobody else's circus or monkeys.
I'm not cranky with, or at, any of my blog friends; have just spent too much time thinking and analyzing of late. My head will empty and I'll demonstrate my usual shallowness soon, I promise. In the meantime, enjoy a little beauty in miniature:
It struck her during yet another round of accusations and insinuations, after the baby woke and began screaming. His voice, once a balm to her ears, filled with rage and contempt as it battered at her down-turned head and dripped acid over her soul.
Two wishes then, equally strong: either she and baby Jonah free or the ability to turn to stone, the both of them, so their hearts could remain unbroken. Unfortunately, no human heart ever remains unbroken.
Hearing his heavy boots veer toward the door to the baby's room, she jumped to her feet and ran to block the door; the heavy skillet hidden behind her. "Get the hell outta my way, you fat cow, it's time your brat shut up" he hissed just as he grabbed her milk-sore chest and twisted; something he'd done dozens of times in the six months since Jonah had been born. This time, however, she was prepared, knowing he always returned in a rage after seeing his friend ... swinging as hard as she could with the frying pan, she sent both he and the skillet sailing into the wall. Turning toward her, trying to grab her throat, he staggered as Demetria panicked, flailing at him. Her unloving husband, Carl, drew his fist back, preparing to take her down, as Demetria pictured her right hand as a stony fist and threw her punch first. This time he stayed down and she shook her hand a moment before grabbing his wallet and dressing wee Jonah.
Back in her room with the baby; hurriedly changing clothes, then slipped the sling on in front and placed him in it. Stuffing supplies into the backpack and pocketing the $57.00 she'd found in his billfold, along with his debit card, she planned to get more money from an atm and do it again after midnight; hoping against hope she'd make it before he thought to cancel the card. The bus depot was across town but it wouldn't do her any good, Carl had destroyed her driver's license and they wouldn't sell her a ticket without i.d.; she knew this for a fact, she'd tried once before.
Slipping outside and drawing a deep breath, she set off down the pavement at a steady pace; it was less than a mile to the nearer edge of town, where they could escape into the woods. There was a convenience store halfway between and she could get more money from the store's atm. Jonah, bless him, was sound asleep already and his tiny snores set the pace for her...
"Felipinho come along. Quickly now, breakfast is ready." His nose, made sensitive by so many years spent hungry on the streets, quickly identified the scents of pingado - sweet coffee milk - and the cheese-filled bread rolls called pao de queijo. It almost smelled of his Bahian home instead of this cold Northern town called Bosstown; the name fit, nearly everyone seemed to want to be a big boss in this place.
Still, he was better off here than he'd been at any other time in his life: decent food every day, often more than once. No one getting drunk and beating him, or worse, every night. Belonging to Vovo Linda's crew meant a safe, warm place to sleep and a chance to improve his situation in life; even become respectable. She was tough, Vovo Linda, but fair, and you could tell she had been a real beauty in her day. Even so, there were nights he awoke, traces of tears wetting his thin pillow, vague dreams of a family and home he didn't yet know tugging at him.
He'd almost reached the kitchen door and had spotted Vovo Linda watching him through the window; grinning at his headlong rush when he heard it: a cry of terror and despair so profound that it jerked him around to search the busy street for the woman, and a woman's voice it was, who had uttered such a disturbing sound. Again it rang out, further down the street, and he started toward the sound; rushing faster and faster yet. Behind him, Felipinho heard the smash and clash of breaking glass and another, more familiar, woman's voice shouting "Faster Felipinho! Fly to her before all is lost!"
Ignoring the painful prickling across his shoulders and down his arms; dashing down a familiar grey concrete and black asphalt alley, he reared back... or tried to... when what was familiar suddenly turned to tan beach, misty blue sky and steel blue water. Too late, too late! He'd passed some unseen boundary.